Blog Post Title One
It was mid May, I had just left a job I was in for seven years, was slowly learning how to start a new business and life felt a little upside down. So, I needed to do something fun. Something that summoned my creativity, and moved me to see the world a little clearer. I needed a little light. So obviously, I bought a candle making kit. It was literal and logical. Two things I rarely am. But it ticked the boxes and I was bored. So here we are: no paying job, a whole lot of learning about starting something new and 5kg of soy wax.
I started slow, melting the wax, choosing a fragrance, measuring out and checking temperatures. But a candle can’t be a candle without a wick. A piece of braided or woven cord that is secured to the centre of the vessel and I learned the hard way that if this is not secured well, not upright and straight, the candle burns weird and makes the glass all black with soot.
Seasons in our life can often feel like a burning candle, and the light can either burn beautifully and emit a sweet fragrance despite a fire in the midst, or it can be dangerous, burn in wrong directions and fill the air with black smoke. The wick and the wick holder are the deciding factor. Are they centred and straight or the opposite? In normal, non metaphorical language:
What is centring you in seasons of change? This is deeply personal for every individual. We all have a set of values we fall back on, a north star that keeps us feeling secure. We all have our own versions of ‘wicks’. But what is holding it in place while the change sets? How about the idea of INTENTION.
What if we navigated new seasons with intention and not chance. What if we held our deepest values to the core of ourselves with intentionality? What would transitioning through change look like then?
Here are four ways you can do this:
On day 1 of “different”, ask yourself this simple question: What do I need to welcome as part of this new season?
Answers might include: “ I need to accept that my finances are going to look different and that means that my lifestyyle will look different for a while” “ I need to welcome nervousness into my daily because I don’t know much about this new season”
Answer honestly, answer completely and if possible, share your answers with another human being.
Reflect first, react second. Our brains are naturally highly protective and hence favour the familiar, so when we are in a season of ‘new’, we often get highly action focused so that we can get ourselves familiar with the newness, assess the safety of the season, and get into a comfort zone.
So be intentional about slowing down in periods of transition and taking time reflect. Don’t allow yourself to just get back to work and go into a new auto pilot. It is such a missed opportunity to learn . Work through emotions by asking yourself questions like: “ Do I have any healing to do from the past season?” “ How has this last season changed me? What am I taking into this next one and what am I leaving behind?” “ How and what can I learn from this to help me in the future?”
THEN, take action. Step by step action into the new. For example, if you answered: “ Yes, I do have some healing to do. I feel burned down and took a hit to my confidence”, your practical action step could be to update your resume and put on paper all the ways you had contributed, be intentional about building your self confidence. Maybe it is starting a healthy living plan, or swallowing the fear and joining a dating app. React out of reflection, it will feel easier and lighter.
Remind yourself of the timeline. Often times, in the throws of transition, we loose track of time and beat ourselves up about not making enough progress. Be intentional about looking at the calendar, knowing what day of the week you are in, and how long it has been since you have stepped into the new. This brings a lot of perspective, and is often a great place to bounce off kindness and grace for yourself. Give yourself a reality check by asking this question: “ Knowing how the intensity and length of the last season, and the fact that I have been in the new for X amount of days: am I doing okay?”
Answers might include: “ Wow, lots happened for so long in my last season, and I’ve been in the new for only 6 weeks, I am fine” “ Hmmm, I have been feeling like I am still in transition after 6 months, maybe I am not doing okay”
Either way- you get clarity and can choose to meet yourself with kindness and grace.
Set up a support system. Be very intentional about navigating change with a support system. Ask a trusted friend to check in on you consistently, set up weekly dates with a family member that makes you laugh or engage a therapist or coach to help and encourage you. Time of change are not meant to be done alone and those that walk it through, having open and honest conversations are more likely to thrive in the new.
Happy life changes friends!